Sunday, October 30, 2011

I am a MOTHER!!!!

Growing up all I ever wanted was to grow up and be a MOM. After graduating high school I left for Snow College thinking that I was ready to find someone and get married. After graduating from Snow 2 years later and not knowing what to do next because school was not my thing, I had a hard time deciding what to do. What I wanted to do was not what the Lord had in store for me. I finally decided and left for 18 months to be a full time missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in Rochester, New York. What an amazing time I had in New York. The Lord knew what was best for me. 
When I got home another decision had to be made; What next?? I knew I needed to go to Utah State where after 2 more years I received a degree in Family and Human Development. My dreams came true my last year of college when I finally met the man I was going to marry. Ben Farmer proposed right after I graduated because he knew I would move home if we weren't engaged.

 I married Benjamin Farmer on August 19, 2004 in the Jordan River Temple. We stayed in Logan for Ben the finish his bachelors degree and I went to work with Head Start teaching preschool. I was so excited to finally be a mom. Little did I know that was the not the plan for me at that time in my life. We had a hard time having a child. I had to have surgery first for  a cyst on my ovary and then we had our first miscarriage. This was a very hard thing for us.  A few months later we had another miscarriage... I am so grateful for the added strength from my Heavenly Father to keep going. I never doubted; I knew I would be a mom. Three months later I was pregnant again with my little girl. Daphne was born May 8,  2007. I was finally a MOM!!!

Daphne brought so much joy to my life. I loved being at home with her. We had so much fun together. Ben was in graduate school so me and Daphne were home ALOT together. I loved it. When Daphne was 10 months old I found out I was pregnant again with my little boy. This was a huge surprise for us but we were so excited to add another member to our family.

Ryker Was born December 1, 2008. Another amazing day for me to welcome a little boy into our family. We now had one of each a little girl and boy.

Staying at home with my children has brought me so much happiness. I have had hard days and very long days but I have loved every minute of it. We had an amazing neighborhood in Logan where we felt loved and wanted. Ben finally graduated and he got a job in Bountiful and so with a very sad heart we sold our home in Logan and moved to be closer to Ben's work. We had no idea then what a huge blessing our relocation would be for our family.
I was very baby hungry. We had a very scary situation when I found out I was having an ectopic pregnancy in July of 2010. I had emergency surgery and was very lucky that it had not burst. They had to remove one of my felopion tubes during the surgery. I was very worried about being able to get pregnant again. Right after we moved into our house in Bountiful I had another miscarriage. It was hard but I was excited that I could still get pregnant. I really wanted another baby. A few months later I was diagnosed with cancer.
For the first couple of weeks we had so many choices to make. Every day was so overwhelming as we were trying to decide what to do about children in the future.  We talked about saving eggs and other options to allow us the chance to have more children. I don't think the idea of me having cancer even hit home until Chemo started because I was having such an inner struggle with the idea of me not having any more kids. I wanted  more kids SOOO bad. This was not in my plans. Once again my Heavenly Father had something else in mind for me. Everything moved so fast and before I knew it we made the decision to go ahead with treatments and leave things as they are. I had the most amazing experiences and feelings of contentment during this time for the 2 amazing kids I have been blessed with. At that moment my attitude changed, I was going to fight with everything I had to be able to raise the kids I have here.

Daphne is full of energy. She never slows down unless she is in front of the T.V. She runs around from sun up till sun down. She loves to dance and sing and she is very good at both. She sings all the time. Recently she has new names for me on a fairly regular basis. For awhile it use to be "Moma", now she calls me "mommers". I love her excitement around our house. She melts my heart on a regular basis with the words she says or her actions. I love this girl so much.

Ryker is on a totally different playing field than his sister. He is very shy and it takes him awhile in any new setting to warm up and be comfortable. His hands are always in his mouth when he is uncomfortable. He has such an easy going temperament, which has helped so much with all the passing around they are going through. He loves animals especially sheep at grandpas house. He loves to work in the pumpkin patch and ride tractors. His favorite word right now is "why?"
His huge smile will always light up my life.

I have had such an overwhelming love for my family right now and I really wanted to share it with you. I love being a mom. This year will definitely go down in history as a crazy year for us, but I feel so blessed with the experiences I have had. I am so blessed to have 2 beautiful kids that I get to raise. I have so much pride for them right now. I could go on and on about what they can do and what they love. I know this is a huge blessing from my Heavenly Father. I love Daphne and Ryker and I am so thankful that things have gone so well and I will be able to continue to be with them on a daily basis.

My Family!!!
I wanted to share with you how it all come about and how my life has not gone according to my plan but I am so grateful Someone else knows the plan for me. Thanks so much for all your love and support. Thanks for being apart of my life!!!  

Sunday, October 16, 2011

The Last Two Weeks

Anna had surgery on the 26th of September, since then the recovery has gone well.  She started with five drains coming out of her sides, after the first week two drains were removed.  Anna was pretty uncomfortable with pressure in her chest and muscle knots in her back.  After the second week two other drains were removed.  The drain removal process involves cutting a stitch, Anna taking a deep breath and a steady pull by the doctor or nurse and you can watch the tube 'snake' out from underneath her skin.

After the surgery the surgeon called a week later and told us about the results of the pathology that was done on the tissue removed.  There were three main sites that showed cancerous growth.  Before chemo the tumor in her armpit, the lymph node, measured 3 centimeters, after chemo it measured .3 centimeters, which is about the size of a pencil lead.  The other areas in her breast showed minor active cancer cells.  The surgeon said she is very confident that all the cancer was removed in the surgery.  The decision has been made to continue with treatment as Anna will undergo 30 rounds of radiation starting about mid-November.  The treatment team explained that people who undergo radiation following chemo and surgery have a significantly reduced risk of re-occurance in the future.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

To my wife...

It's really interesting to me how the Lord prepares us to deal with challenges.  I think it was around February or March when I first heard the Rascal Flatts song "I Won't Let Go".  I really liked it and would find it on Youtube and listen to it every now and then.  I started reading some of the comments under the videos; to my surprise  most of them were about someone who had gone through cancer of some kind and a family member saying how the song exemplified the situation.  As Anna started to go in for biopsies and tests to see what was going on with her, the message of the song kept coming back to my mind and I started to see that I was being prepared to hear those words; "It's cancer".

It was still really hard when I heard them, but I feel like I was ready to start moving forward immediately and not spend too much time being sad or feeling cheated.  The following song and video started out as a 'thank you' to our family and friends but turned into something for Anna to show her strength and impact that she has had on other people's lives, and to remind her of those people who love and support her.

If you would like to watch the video the link is below:

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Post Surgery- day 4

Day 4 was our first full day at home.  The first night in bed wasn't too bad but it did take some experimenting to find Anna a comfortable way of laying in the bed, but overall Anna was able to rest comfortably at different times.

One of the things that threw a kink in our day was I had scheduled my Family Therapy Licsensure exam a few months previously and I needed to go and take it.  Nikki, Anna's cousin was nice enough to come and spend most of the day with Anna while I went and took the exam.

Anna had a few visitors throughout the day and it was nice for her to be able to visit with her cousin Amber and her Aunt Lori & cousin Kate.  That night Anna felt the effects of being more active and was pretty sore.  The biggest thing bothering her is muscle tension in her back.  She has knots that are really painful and are preventing her from relaxing.